Making fun of being overweight and fat people is an intrinsic part of society today. And as a big fat guy, I’ve been the butt of some bad fat jokes and have even laughed at a few really good roasts for fat people over the years. So in this article, I’ll be sharing a compilation of the best fat people jokes I’ve come across.
Let’s face it…
If you’re a fat person, you can’t escape being laughed at by “slimmer” people. You’ll either be laughed at to your face, be made fun of behind your back, or publicly humiliated. For fat men, any of those situations are bad, but as a man, we’ve got balls so that we can deal with it. However, fat women have a much more difficult time being on the receiving end of fat jokes.
But whichever end of the spectrum you fall on, the best way to counter being laughed at is to know the jokes yourself. Then be firm enough to accept them, ignore them, and then move on with your life. For the slim folks reading this, these offensive fat jokes are the ones you need to add to your collection since the ones you currently use most likely suck.
I know other fat persons might hate me for sharing these, but I’ve come to accept being fat. And whatever realities come with it won’t stop me from ordering pizza because it’s much harder to kidnap a fat person. Plus, it saves me a few hundred dollars I’d need to spend on winter clothes. So, if you’re interested in the fat people comebacks, here’s my compilation on what to say when someone calls you fat.
Either way, here are the best funny fat people jokes I’ve come across in my days:
25 Best Fat People Jokes:
- You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
- “Never Make fun of a fat person; they already have enough on their plates.”
- “He’s so fat; if he went camping with us, the bears would be too occupied hiding their food so we’d be safe.”
- “You’re so fat; you wake up on both sides of the bed in the morning.”
- “A teacher walked into class one day and asked who little Timmy sits beside; the class immediately answered, “Next to all of us!” in unison.”
- “You’re so fat; you have to use google maps to locate your **** before going to the bathroom.”
- “A skinny guy walked up to a fat guy and said to everyone, ‘Look! When we stand together, we look like the number 10.”
- “You’re so overweight; I bet your nose don’t even run!”
- “You’re so big when you call an Uber you have to book it as a group.”
- “You are such a big fat person that I hear companies reach out to you to advertise on your forehead.”
- “A guy walks up to a fat girl and asks when is she planning to do a gender reveal.”
- “You’re such a fatty. I bet you always use “fudge” instead of “fu*k.” Ha, I bet you also prefer to eat fudge instead of “fu*k.”
- “I don’t know what’s worse about your fat, the fact that you’re gonna die if you keep it up or the fact that we’ll need paul bearers to carry your urn.”
- “I bet growing up; your parents never told you that eating should’ve been a necessity and not one of your hobbies!”
- “You look like the main character from the movie Lord of the Onion Rings.”
- A fat person says to the doctor, “I inherited genes that caused me to be fat.” The doctor responds, “Oh.. you’re another one of the descendants of the Greek god Diabetes.”
- You are so fat when you walk with your friends it looks like they are orbiting you.
- Fat people hate roasts; they always prefer BBQs.
- “You’re so fat; when you sent a dick pic to that girl, she posted it in her community on a Missing… Return if Found flyer.”
- If you lived in Japan, people would officially recognize you as “The Last Hamurai.”
- I bet the kids in your class used to call you the “Last Chairbender.”
- “I bet you remember everything that’s happened to you; after all, Eggplants never forget.”
- You look like your virginity is better protected than Area 51.
- “Here’s a fat joke I’m sure you haven’t seen in a while – Your Dick.“
- Fat people could end the hunger crises in Africa by sacrificing themselves to be roasted.
- You are so big you block out the sun, and that makes it hard to grow food.”
- You’re so fat you can’t even see your own feet.
- Fat people are so big that when they sit on a bench, it just disappears.
- You’re so fat the only thing to compare you to is an elephant.
- Your face has fallen into your chest and melted into one giant chin.
- “. You’re so fat that when you wear checkered pants, it looks like Superman changed clothes with Clark Kent… but in reverse.”
- The back of your neck should have its own zip code.
- I bet you have so many stretch marks that when someone yells out, ‘hey, stretch!’, everyone knows it’s not to do with yoga.
- “You know they call you the “human anchor,” right?”
- So fat that when you got an X-ray done, and the doctors saw it, they were just like ‘Oh boy….’
- You’re so fat that when you get on a scale, it says, ‘We don’t do livestock.’
- You’re so fat that your baby pictures are just aerial shots of your crib.
- You’re so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.”
- Your house doesn’t have a foundation. It’s more of a suggestion.
- Your fat rolls have more flab than a basset hound.
- You’re so fat that you had to buy a whole airline just to ship your a** from place to place.”
- You know you’re too fat when your neck is long enough to be a liability.
- So big, even the elephants are embarrassed to see you naked.
- You’re so fat; if we were back in the 80’s you wouldn’t just need a horse and cart; you’d need a whole team of horses and carts.”
- “You know you’re too fat when even the Sydney Harbour Bridge doesn’t let you on.”
- “You can tell that you’re too fat when your doctor writes out your diet as salt, butter, and Crisco.”
- You’re so fat when you walk, everyone yells, “EARTHQUAKE!!”
- You’re so fat that when you fell over, the ambulance had to bring a crane.
- You’re so fat they have to use a satellite picture on Google Earth just to find your head.
- Your waistline is so large it makes its own weather systems.
- When you go to a restaurant, the waitress asks if you’d like the buffet.
- You’re so fat your cholesterol is low-rise.
- You’re so fat they call you the BFG(Big Friendly Giant) because you take up so much space.
- You’re so fat that your blood type is Ragu.
- Fat people are so big they need an airplane seat belt extender to buckle up.
- You’re so fat that when you walk into a room, it’s like walking into the ocean.
- You’re so fat your neck is wider than your head.
I’ve spent quite a while browsing videos, forums, Reddit, and my memory to compile these jokes. If you’ve got any that you think are worth adding to this article, feel free to leave them in the comments below. If you need more inspiration, here are a few youtube videos with some pretty good roasts for fat people:
Fat jokes aren’t always funny since obesity is a chronic disease like diabetes, high blood pressure, and other human ailments. People don’t make fun of diabetics, nor people with high blood pressure. So you shouldn’t make fun of fat people just because of their physical appearance.
Instead, offering a helping hand and a kind word of encouragement to help a heavy person lose weight is a much better thing to do as a human. But if making fun of a fat person is your thing, go for it. Just beware that your words could potentially end someone’s life and could get you in trouble.
As a big guy that has always been on the heavy side, I’ve become immune to next to everything you could say to me. And I highly advise other heavy people to either accept themselves or lose weight. At the end of the day, jokes are jokes, so only take these roasts for fat people as such.